addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
