Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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