I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
