What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
