In America we eat man semen.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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