Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
