does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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