the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
