haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
