Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
