Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
