dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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