It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
