Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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