I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
