You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
