What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
