I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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