I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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