I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
