Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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