i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
