...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
worst night to have a conscience
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
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When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize