We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
