dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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