I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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