Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
thus making me awesome and them whores
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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