Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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