You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
