No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
