Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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