where does the pee come out of this thing
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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