dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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