Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
