I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
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Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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