Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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