this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
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I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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