hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
