Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Text me some of your sweat
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