After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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