I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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