Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
