he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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