Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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