I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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