Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
