Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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