Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
