So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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