someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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