I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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