This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
