Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
