Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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