**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
