I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
