How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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