i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
