I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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