CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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