you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
