forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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