It's just like the Real World with babies
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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