is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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