TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
