two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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