I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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