Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
