I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
