dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
