? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
