so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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