Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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